Every time a kitten fades -oh yes, they do fade sometimes -I promise myself: never, never again shall emotions be invested in something so fragile. I even stick by it for a while -for as long as I refuse to look at another pair of saucer eyes, or let another tiny paw touch my soul, or let a soft purring melt my heart. But then I sense something inside of me yearn for all of the above. Inevitably, I relent, and become putty in another kitten's paws.
As I drove home today from the vet's, with my two little powderpuffs in a basket, I watched them look out the window, intrigued by the world rushing by. They had never seen so many people before. Nor had they known anything of what exists outside our compound wall. As they looked at me and 'mewed' in amusement, I felt a cinder sear my heart, for I knew this would also be their last wonder. I have been told that there is nothing that can be done. My little boy and girl had no clue that they had already started fading.
With every passing hour they'd fade some more. I'll start seeing the floor right through their skins and in the end, they too would disappear. But in the four short months of their lives they have grown enough on me to leave behind two kitten-shaped holes in my soul. Two more to add to my stash of tiny little kitten-shaped holes, that in time, will make me relent again to the look of saucer eyes, the touch of a tiny paw, and the sound of a soft, heart-melting purr
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HAPPY UPDATE, on 10th Feb
Though we lost our little boy, we've been able to nurse our little girl, Delilah, back to good health. I can't believe that the vet said she wouldn't make it! Thank heavens, they don't always fade! And a big YAYYY for little miracles!
P.S: Thanks a ton all the support, friends
P.P.S: Here's us saying hi to y'all
As I drove home today from the vet's, with my two little powderpuffs in a basket, I watched them look out the window, intrigued by the world rushing by. They had never seen so many people before. Nor had they known anything of what exists outside our compound wall. As they looked at me and 'mewed' in amusement, I felt a cinder sear my heart, for I knew this would also be their last wonder. I have been told that there is nothing that can be done. My little boy and girl had no clue that they had already started fading.
With every passing hour they'd fade some more. I'll start seeing the floor right through their skins and in the end, they too would disappear. But in the four short months of their lives they have grown enough on me to leave behind two kitten-shaped holes in my soul. Two more to add to my stash of tiny little kitten-shaped holes, that in time, will make me relent again to the look of saucer eyes, the touch of a tiny paw, and the sound of a soft, heart-melting purr
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HAPPY UPDATE, on 10th Feb
Though we lost our little boy, we've been able to nurse our little girl, Delilah, back to good health. I can't believe that the vet said she wouldn't make it! Thank heavens, they don't always fade! And a big YAYYY for little miracles!
P.S: Thanks a ton all the support, friends
P.P.S: Here's us saying hi to y'all
:( :( Mine have mostly been dog-shaped ones, but tere's a teeny-tiny kitten-shaped hole in my heart too, from a kitten we lost a month or so ago. It's really faint, but.
ReplyDeleteTina's is larger I guess... but then, she's had a few of them over the years.
I was telling a friend the other day that I think we have a certain genetic disadvantage that makes us feel that it's our responsibility to take care of helpless little things. And when we fail to do so, what follows is a feeling of unrelenting guilt and sadness
ReplyDeleteI knew your art is good (thro Elizabeth) but you write pretty good too. And what are we if not for our dreams? So dream on and share those dreams that you can share.
ReplyDeleteThank you! And that coming from you makes my day
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